5 Ways to Develop a Friendship with Jesus

Recently, I was traveling through rural Indiana and stopped at a McDonald’s for breakfast. There was a group of older men talking and laughing. They were clearly from the community, knew each other well, and met there all the time. It’s meetings like those day after day, week after week, and month after month that develop those deep, deep friendships. Unfortunately, we cannot meet Jesus at McDonald’s tomorrow morning, so, how do we form a deep, deep friendship with Him?

Fortunately, Jesus’ disciples faced the same problem, and Jesus gave them a solution. They had been with Him more than those men were together at McDonald’s. They generally ate breakfast, lunch, and supper together and travelled together all over Israel. Jesus told them that He was going to go away, into the very presence of His heavenly Father, but that wasn’t going to be the end of their friendship. Understanding what Jesus told His disciples about continuing their friendship can help us understand what it means to have and develop a deep, deep friendship with Jesus in our day.

Let me highlight five ways they would continue developing their friendship with Jesus. For more context, see my previous post, “Five Lessons on Friendship from the Life of Jesus.”

First, they would continue to fellowship with Him through His presence, even if it was not the physical presence of His human nature. The Holy Spirit, the third person of Trinity, would connect them to the eternal Son. “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you” (John 14:16–17). In this way, He said, “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you” (v. 18). So, we can still enjoy the presence of Jesus. We can enjoy it whenever we want to. We just have to be aware of it and live in it.

Second, they would continue to fellowship with Him by listening to what He said. He describes abiding in Him as “abiding in His word” (15:7). He told them that He had already told them what He was doing, “I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (15:15). We can fellowship with Jesus by continuing to listen to what He wants us to do.

Third, they would continue to fellowship with Him by doing what He told them to do. Part of friendship is doing things together. We learn what Jesus is doing by listening to His Word, and we engage in it when we obey that word. That’s why He said, “You are my friends if you do what I command you” (15:14). I don’t think Jesus is saying, “Do what I tell you, and then you will be my friend.” Rather, He is saying, “If you are interested in the things I am and are engaged in them, then we will have a friendship.”

What does this mean concretely? Jesus is interested in culture, family, politics, honest labor, etc. When we engage in these things, we are engaged in activities He cares about. Similarly, when we care about the people around us, espeically those who are most vulnerable, we are working on Jesus’ agenda and engaged with Him as friends. It is especially when we are enagaged in the work of connecting people to God that we live out a friendship with Jesus because that’s what He is most interested in. That’s what His coming into this world, death, and resurrection are all about. A friendship arises when we share and work at Jesus’ interest in connecting people to God.

Fourth, they would continue to fellowship with Him by talking to Jesus. We often call this prayer, but prayer is really just interacting with Jesus by listening to Him and then telling Him what is on our hearts. Jesus said He had chosen them so that they would ask things of Him and the Father, “so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you” (John 15:16). We can continue to interact with Jesus through prayer. We can and should share with Him what is on our hearts.

Fifth, they would continue to fellowship with Him by connnecting with His friends. Jesus concludes His talk on friendship with them by saying, “These things I command you, so that you will love one another” (John 15:17). Just as the Father loved the Son so that the Son might love us, so the Son loves us so that we might love one another. Whatever we do for the least of Jesus’ disciples, we do for Him. We interact with Jesus by interacting with His people.

Let me try to put all this together. We can live as friends of Jesus. We do that when we are aware of His presence with us. But we need to do more than just be aware. We need to listen to Him and talk to Him in conversation. Friendship is not primarily about talk, though. It is about doing. When we take an interest in what Jesus is interested in and engage in it, we will develop a friendship with Jesus. This is not just about “me and Jesus.” This is something we do together with Jesus’ other friends.

Sure. This is different than living with someone physically, but we actually can have a friendship with Jesus that is much closer and more intimate and life-giving than what we have with any of our friends. That’s the blessing Jesus offers us. If we are interested in that relationship, Jesus is more than happy to “call us friends.”

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Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash

5 Lessons on Friendship from the Life of Jesus

Jesus never married, but he had a ton of friends. He saw relationships as important, and He nourished His need for companionship through friendship. That should make us take a second look at the importance of friendship, and there is no better place to do that than considering the friendships Jesus Himself had and what He said about them. Here are five lessons on friendship from the life of Jesus.

First, friendship has to be about something. Jesus took an interest in bigger things. He cared about the kingdom of God. So, He built friendships around this interest in God and His work in the world. C.S. Lewis captured this idea well:

The very condition of having friends is that we should want something else besides friends. Where the truthful answer to the question, Do you see the same truth? would be “I see nothing and I don’t care about the truth; I only want a friend,” no friendship can arise—though affection of course may. There would be nothing for the friendship to be about; and friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers (emphasis mine).

You don’t get friends by going around saying, “Will you be my friend?” You get friends by working on things together with other people. You have to have interests.

Second, friendship takes time. Jesus spent a ton of time with His disciples. Jesus chose twelve men in particular “to be with him and [that] he might send them out to preach” (Mark 3:14). This friendship grew over time.

This growth often involes overcoming challenges and experiencing suffering. Going through some difficult together can even accelerate the process of friendship building. You can hear the affection in Jesus’ voice at the Last Supper, “You are those who have stayed with me in my trials . . .” (Luke 22:28). Going through these trials and staying together is what builds the strongest friendships.

Third, friendships become one of the deepest relationships. Friendships begin with common interests, but they often develop some of the greatest affections and closest connections. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). This is often seen in the context of war, where soldiers develop an intense and deep commitment to their camarades in arms, but it is true whenever deep friendships develop. There is no “greater love” than the sacrificial love of a friend for another. This deep affection is so profound that Jesus used it to explain His own death on the cross for His people.

Fourth, friendships are an amazing resource. Friendships take time. The payoff is not always immediate. But for those who have built such friendships, they become a remarkable resource. Jesus said, “the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15). Jesus shared what He was up to and what was going on in His life with His friends. That’s what friendship is and can be for us. We don’t have to just keep things in. We have people with whom we can share them! When we share our burdens, they feel lighter. This is the resource of friendship.

Fifth, Jesus wants more friends. He could have had servants. Everyone is below Jesus. But He wanted friends. “I call you friends,” He told His disciples. And Jesus wants more friends. He wants you to be His friend. How? He wants to get you involved in what He’s doing in turning this world into the kingdom of God rather than the kingdom of darkness. He wants you to fish for people. He wants you to be with Him, be like Him, and do what He did, as John Mark Comer puts it in his recent book about being a follower of Jesus.

That’s really amazing news. The God of the universe became a human being to connect with us and make us His friends. Why would we refuse such an amazing offer? Why would He not engage in the actitivies He says are the best things we can do? Why would we not want such a friend?

But if we do, how do we do it? How do we develop a friendship with Jesus? The disciples lived with Him and walked around with Him physically. We cannot do that. So, how can we become friends with Jesus? That’s what I will explain in my next post.

Why Should I Rejoice in My Suffering?

In Paul’s letter to the Roman Christians, he says that “we rejoice in our sufferings” (Romans 5:3). How can we possibly rejoice in the midst of death, job loss, rejection, sickness, or betrayal? Note very carefully. He does not say, “rejoice in spite of our sufferings.” He says, “rejoice in our sufferings.” It would seem that this is the last thing we can rejoice in. What could he mean by this crazy statement?

What he does not mean is that suffering itself is good. It’s not good to be hit in the jaw, get in a car wreck, or lose a friend. There has to be something else that is added to the suffering that would make us rejoice in it. In other words, suffering can be used for some purpose that would make it good for us.

Let’s take being hit in the jaw. If we were training for a boxing match, getting hit in the jaw might help us see a weakness in our defenses we might not have seen otherwise. Getting in a car wreck might lead us to a lifetime of more careful driving. Losing a friend may have been the loss of an unhelpful friendship. It also may have gotten us out of our shell in a way that opened up new possibilities and friendships that made us grow. Most of us have had experiences like this.

So, what is the good connected to suffering that Paul has in mind? The answer is found in the words “we rejoice in the glory of God.” This does not mean that we rejoice because we will see or experience God’s glory, even though we will. It means we rejoice that we will be made like God, i.e., we will have a character that reflects His good, loving, and just character. Continue reading “Why Should I Rejoice in My Suffering?”

Why Didn’t Jesus Tell Peter He Loved Him?

In the account of Jesus’ life written by His follower John, we have the report of Jesus’ conversation with Peter by the Sea of Galilee after Jesus’ resurrection (see John 21). This conversation is remarkable because it is the first recorded conversation between them after Peter betrayed his dear friend and leader.

Remember that Peter had stated emphatically that he would never deny Jesus. Even if everybody else did, Peter would not do so, he said. Everyone else, though, agreed with Peter and also said that they would not abandon Jesus.

Then, Jesus was arrested. Most of Jesus’ followers fled. Peter followed at a distance. He was in the court of the priests while Jesus was on trial. Three times people asked Peter if he was one of Jesus’ followers. Three times he said “no.” The third time, he even swore an oath that he did not know Jesus.

At that moment, Jesus looked at Peter. Peter was undone. He ran out of the court and wept over his failure.

Jesus was crucified, died, and was buried. Then, He arose from the dead. Jesus had already appeared to His followers twice. The third time, He appeared to them on the beach of the Sea of Galilee. Jesus appeared after a night of fishing. Peter and six of the others had been fishing. They fished all night and caught nothing. Continue reading “Why Didn’t Jesus Tell Peter He Loved Him?”

5 Recommendations for Visiting Geneva, Switzerland

Right in the heart of Europe lies Geneva, a beautiful city on the Rhone River on the edge of the Swiss Alps. It is a center for international relations and has had an outsized influence on history. During the Reformation, it was a center of religious thought and study and a refuge for victims of religious wars and persecution. Because of this reputation and the lovely sound of the name, I christened my third daughter Geneva. In April, Geneva and I visited her city.

Here I want to share with you five recommendations for visiting this city that will help you think through how to best experience this marvelous city.

First, every trip to Europe should start in Geneva. Why is this? Continue reading “5 Recommendations for Visiting Geneva, Switzerland”