Judah & Tamar

When people haven’t read the Bible, they tend to think that the families of the Bible look something like this:

But when they read the Bible, they discover that the families of the Bible are more like this:

One of the best examples of this is the story of Judah and Tamar in Genesis 38.

Judah’s family of origin was a mess. There were multiple wives who were fighting for the favor of Judah’s father Jacob. This led to sibling rivalry. The brothers of three of the wives hated the sons of the favorite wife and eventually sold the oldest of those two, Joseph, into slavery.

It’s not surprising in this toxic environment that Judah decided to bail. “Judah left his brothers…” (38:1).

Judah sought out his own identity. He aligned himself with a Canaanite named Hirah and married a Canaanite woman. He had three children with her: Er, Onan, and Shelah.

And do you know what happens? Sibling rivalry. We often think that we can escape our family’s legacy by simply moving away. We can’t. As one author writes, “Time and distance cannot fool an emotional system.” They may provide temporary relief, but you have to confront the underlying emotional and relationship issues in order to really grow.

Judah’s firstborn, Er, married Tamar. He follows his own path and is a wicked man, so God sends judgment upon him. He dies without having any child.

In those days, the law was that if a husband died childless, then the next younger brother would marry the widowed woman and have a child for the deceased husband. It was called the law of the Levirate.

So, Judah’s second son Onan married Tamar, but he refused to impregnate her. He knew the child would be his brother’s, so he married her but refused to have a child with her. God was not pleased, and so Onan died as well.

Judah had one more son: Shelah. Judah was scared. He thought that marrying Tamar was the issue, so he held Shelah back, and he had a good excuse. Shelah was too young.

Tamar returned to her father’s home, and time passed. Tamar realized that Judah was not going to let Shelah marry her.

So, she came up with a plan to get pregnant. She dressed up as a shrine prostitute, and came out while Judah was on his way to shear sheep. Sure enough, he asked if he could sleep with her, and she said, “What will you give me?”

He said, “I will give you a young goat, but I don’t have it with me.”

She replied, “Give me your seal, cord, and staff as surety.” He did so, and they made love.

Later, Judah sent the goat so he could get his seal, cord, and staff, but the prostitute was gone. Nobody even knew who she was.

And . . . Tamar was pregnant.

Judah was furious, and he said: “Burn her!”

She was then brought out to be executed according to Judah’s hypocritical standards of sexual (im)morality.

Then, she held out Judah’s seal, cord, and staff. “I’m pregnant by the man whose seal, cord, and staff these are.”

Caught! Judah was deeply humbled. “She is more righteous than I,” he said, “for I did not give her my youngest son.”

Judah’s statement may not seem remarkable at first glance, but if you look at the rest of the book of Genesis, you will see that this was extremely rare in the book of Genesis. Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed the serpent. Cain blamed Abel. Cain killed Abel. Sarah told Abraham, “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering!” This was the way of things in those days and ours (see my article on this here).

But Judah took responsibility for his actions and confessed his sin.

This is always what opens the door to family healing. When one person takes responsibility for his or her action, the family has hope for change.

Judah was a changed man, and he symbolically received his family identity back by receiving his seal, cord, and staff. He was ready to go back to his family again and be the agent for change that he became when the brothers met Joseph again.

Taking responsibility for one’s own failings opens the door to family healing, no matter how messed up your family may be.