Can We Change for the Better?

Can people who are fearful become courageous? Can those who are impatient become patient? Can the joyless become joyful?

To that, I answer an emphatic “yes!!!”

Here’s why I think this is true. First, I studied family systems over the past couple of years. I read many stories of people who were able to function differently in the challenging emotional environment of their family. It was hard, but they did it.

Second, I studied the Greek and Roman philosophers. Through the study of philosophy, many people were able to change for the better. They could learn to live by principle rather than by whim or reacting to emotional pressure.

Third, people train their emotions and will in many areas of life. People can learn to keep their body moving forward in the face of great danger. The philosopher Seneca described this well: “[T]he body can be trained to such a degree of endurance that it will stand the blows and kicks of several opponents at once and to such a degree that a man can last out the day and resist the scorching sun in the midst of the burning dust, drenched all the while with his own blood . . .” (Letters, LXXX).

He then goes on to ask: “[I]f this can be done, how much more easily might the mind be toughened so that it could receive the blows of Fortune and not be conquered, so that it might struggle to its feet again after it has been laid low, after it has been trampled under foot?” (Ibid., emphasis mine). In other words, can we not change our mindset to be able to keep moving forward in the face of great difficulties and disappointments?

As a Christian, why do I not argue for change from Christ transforming people? I certainly believe in the power of God in the lives of individuals. I have observed it in my own life and the life of countless others. I find, however, that many people underestimate what God can do because they don’t see that change is possible in ordinary life. In other words, if people can change so much without Christ, how much with Him?

So, “Great,” you might say, “some people changed. But how can I do it? How can I change?”

The first thing to recognize is that it is hard work. This is true in the realm of nature and the realm of grace. Sometimes, there is supernatural intervention that radically transforms people, but more often than not, it takes hard work. God uses hard work to transform people (Phil. 2:12-13, 2 Peter 1:5).

But what kind of hard work? John Ortberg in one of his talks at a conference called Living in Christ’s Presence asked the people attending that conference, “How many of you could run a marathon right now?” There were a couple. Then, he asked, “How many of you could run a marathon if you tried harder?” Of course, no new people raised their hands. Often, we think that change is a matter of trying harder. It is not. It is about the right training over a long period of time.

This is more than a loose analogy. The Apostle Paul used the word used for training in the gymnasium in his day and said, “Train yourself to be godly” (1 Tim. 4:7-8).

What does this training look like? In sum, developing virtue involves a changed mindset implemented in action over time that becomes a habit or character trait.

How would this work? let’s take patience as an example. Ask some questions of yourself: what are the circumstances in which you act impatiently? Does impatience help you? What are the results? What are you afraid of that causes you to be impatient? Developing a better mindset includes confronting a wrong mindset.

The positive side is to impress on your mind the better ways of thinking. To discover that you can ask questions like, what helps me be more patient? What thought or mindset has helped me be more patient in the past? What would be the positive benefit of patience? And so on.

Then, you need to practice. Put yourself in situations where you will need to be patient. Try to slow down and be OK with with it. Most of us have opportunities for this every single day: driving. We can work on being patient while we drive.

Over time, such work will begin to take effect. That doesn’t mean you’ll be perfect or problem-free. It just means you’ll get better.

That’s virtue training, training for excellence of character.

I believe that we don’t have to settle for where we have been in the past. I believe change is possible. God has given us everything we need for a godly life. We just need to step out in faith and start moving. His power, promises, and presence will be with us every step of the way.