We’re about to start a new year. It’s time to think about new goals, new activities, and new habits. The trouble is, we often end up stuck in the same old ways of doing things. We start something new, and resistance sets in. It’s like we’re walking through deep mud and trying to climb up a steep bank. It seems like everything around us wants to keep us in the same old ruts.
The ancient philosophers of the Western world dealt with big abstract ideas, but they also thought through these common problems. I have found that they offer some ways to help us think differently about common problems that offer new perspectives. They are alternative perspectives on common problems that can help get us unstuck.
1. Change of habits takes time. Aristotle says “. . . men acquire many qualities neither by nature nor by teaching but by habituation, bad qualities if they are habituated to the bad, good if the good” (Eudemian Ethics, 1.1).
My comment: we look at many things we can’t do and think that we cannot do them because we cannot do them now. Aristotle observes that many things involve work over time, habituation. So, it would be better when looking at most things we cannot do to not say, “I cannot do that,” but rather to say, “I cannot do that today.” We can acquire new skills. They just take work over time.
2. How you think will determine how you live. “Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind, for the soul is dyed by the thoughts” (Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 5.16).
My comment: the way that we think about things has a strong effect on how we feel about them. However, we can think differently about things and so feel differently about them. For example, we may look at mistakes as a disaster, and so we get angry at ourselves. However, we can think differently. We can accept that mistakes are a normal part of the human learning process. This makes it easier to keep going. That’s what these alternative ways of thinking are all about. If our thoughts shape the character of the soul, we can change our thoughts and consequently the character of our soul.
3. Gain momentum by practicing with easy things. “Know yourself. So what follows? That we should practise, by heaven, with little things, and after beginning with those, pass on to greater things” (Epictetus, Discourses, 1.18).
Look for the opportunity to grow in little things. If you can’t take on big things, try working on small things. Maybe it’s hard to talk to strangers. Try practicing with those who you know are friendly to you. If you struggle with anger, practice not getting angry when you think someone is cutting you off on the highway. There are little opportunities to grow that can help you gain momentum.
4. Try doing something different than what you normally do. Aristotle says that in aiming for the middle, there are a variety of things that make us think one extreme or the other is worse or better. Some of this has to do with our own temperament. He says, “[b]ut we must consider the things towards which we ourselves also are easily carried away . . . We must drag ourselves away to the contrary extreme; for we shall get into the intermediate state by drawing well away from error, as people do in straightening sticks that are bent” (Eudemian Ethics, 2.9).
My comment: we get comfortable with certain ways of acting, and we stay there. Try working on the opposite. For example, if you always stay home and never go where a crowd is, go where a crowd is. If you always want to go out, practice being happy staying at home. If you always talk, practice being silent. If you are always silent, try talking. This will help you get out of our ruts and see new things about ourselves and develop a better balance in our character.
5. Use friendships to help us grow. “Learn to know my judgments, show me your own, and then you can say that you’ve met me. Let’s cross-examine one another; and if I’m harbouring any, bring it to light” (Epictetus, Discourses, 3.9).
My comment: Sometimes it’s hard to think clearly about situations in which we are deeply invested emotionally. A good friend can help us think things through. What Epictetus suggests is that we need to learn to go to our friends not merely for comfort. We need friends who challenge us. We need people who comfort us, but we will only get unstuck if we have friends who accept us and challenge us.
Getting unstuck isn’t easy, but it can be done. It just takes work, persistence, and creativity. There’s a better future out there, and these ancient ideas provide us ideas on how to begin working toward it. If you have goals for this coming year, recognize that you will easily get stuck. But there are ways to get unstuck and keep moving forward.
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Photo by Aubrey Odom on Unsplash