A few years back, in the process of working on my Doctor of Ministry, I read numerous books on Christian counseling. These were books on the theory of counseling and its application to specific issues. How do we engage and talk to people in such a way that helps people move forward to what God has called them to be? These are deep waters. Here are a few of my favorite quotes that I still reflect on with links to the books from which they came as I think about how to help myself and others move onward and upward, processing the past well, living well in the present, and having hope for the future.
1. “Tragedy always moves our story forward in a way that shalom could never accomplish” (Dan Allender, To Be Told, 44). My comment: think of the great stories of the heroes of the world and the faith. They experience great challenges, but they rise to meet them. This is one way to re-think the challenges and hurts we have faced in our own lives.
2. “It takes a lifetime to discover exactly how our past shapes our future so we can live wholeheartedly and passionately in the present, but we can begin. We can seize the present with greater insight and vision” (Dan Allender, The Healing Path, 185). My comment: I did a lot of reflecting on my past when I studied these books. Five years later, the insights continue to come and help me engage better in the present. Note: you can see some of the directions I explored with this here.
3. “[I]n this life we must recognize that we will inevitably experience disappointments, pain, and a lack of complete relational satisfaction. When we stop fighting this reality and become willing to accept it, we can be free to move into the world with a real sense of purpose and direction” (Harry Schaumburg, False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction, 99). My comment: this seems almost obvious when you say it, but how easily do we begin to think that we will avoid pain and disappointment? Happiness in this life will not be found by eliminating pain and disappointments but by finding a way to live with them.
4. “A pastor’s ability to enjoy church is directly related to knowing its limits. The church is not Jesus. It may be the Body of Christ, but only sort of” (M. Craig Barnes, The Pastor as Minor Poet, 12). My comment: It’s easy to find all our meaning in the positive things we give our lives to such as the church, the family, and work. We need to be able to recognize that these things cannot satisfy us and preserve a corner of our mind where we have an identity that is not completely dependent on these things.
5. “The antidote to exhaustion is not rest but wholeheartedness.” (Chuck DeGroat, Toughest People to Love: How to understand, lead, and love, the difficult people in your life—including yourself, 125). My comment: people try to rest, and they find that when they return things are just as exhausting as ever. By wholeheartedness, I think DeGroat means that we approach life in a way that is balanced, leaving things we can’t control and working on what we can. This enables us to find peace in our daily lives.
6. “If after all those years you get well, what do you do with your wellness? The responsibility is staggering. The freedom is staggering.” Federick Buechner, Telling Secrets, 56. My comment: why do people seem to stay in bad situations. Why are we often afraid to move forward to what could be good? The new situation may be difficult and present us with a whole lot of things that we may have never prepared for. It’s easier to stay where things are known rather than embrace the unknown. It is a huge responsibility to be free and well.
7. “Evangelicals have long acknowledged that faith is important for initiation into salvation. But it is also by faith that salvific truths become more deeply ingressed and psychospiritually reformative. . . . Deeply believing God’s saving word brings it into our experience affectively and more fully releases the power of its speech-acts to heal. . . . faith is the fundamental means of Christian maturation, through which the Form of the Word of God is internalized and comes to constitute the Christian soul.” Calvin says concerning the promises of God that ‘we make them ours by inwardly embracing them'” (Eric Johnson, Foundations for Soul Care: A Christian Psychology Proposal, 498). Faith is the means of bringing the biblical vision of life into reality in our lives. By repeatedly exercising faith, we learn to see the world as God sees it and not just react according to society or upbringing.
8. “The Christian psychology community needs to develop a sophisticated hermeneutical framework for reading these three sources a right (Scripture, the Christian tradition and modern psychology), in order to compose a Christian scientific literature that describes human beings in a more comprehensive way than any of these sets of texts alone would provide, and in a way that allows the Bible to be the controlling interpretive guidebook” (Eric Johnson, Foundations for Soul Care: A Christian Psychology Proposal, 130). There is overlap between what non-Christian psychologists have studied and what Christian psychologists would study. Johnson recommends taking these insights into account and using them while recognizing the Bible as an ultimate authority. This is hard work, but the result is greater insight and wisdom. You can see how I conceive of this approach here in chapter 4.
9. “To be alive is to be addicted, and to be alive and addicted is to stand in need of grace” (Gerald May, Addiction and Grace: Love and Spirituality in the Healing of Addictions, 11). My comment: May’s book is a powerful description of the ways that we all become addicted to things that we wrongly use as a way of dealing with the problems of life. He points to God’s grace as the only thing we can truly rely on as the solution to the basic problems of life.
10. “Patience is key—both for the individuals who have experienced losses, and the caregivers attempting to provide comfort and help. Neither person should rush the process. Healing can come, but it usually takes time” (Scott Floyd, Crisis Counseling: A Guide for Pastors and Professionals, 101). My comment: if there is one book here that Christian leaders should read, I think it would be this one. It provides numerous practical and helpful ideas for aiding people who have experienced great loss or trauma. One key point in all of it: it takes time. Be patient.
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