When we love God above everything else, it means that we find our ultimate value, acceptance, security, delight, hope, blessing, and joy in Him. If we do this, our quest for these things is at an end. We don’t have to look for them in people.
The love of God has a practical result in human relationships. It enables us to accept people as they are. We can learn to say with the theologian Henri Nouwen, “Only God can give me what I want from another person” (Spiritual Direction, 122).
The lack of the love of God also has a practical result. We look for our ultimate value, acceptance, security, etc. in other people.
What’s wrong with doing that? They can’t provide those things for us. As Nouwen said, “If we do not know we are the beloved sons and daughters of God, we’re going to expect someone in the community to make us feel special and worthy. Ultimately, they cannot” (114). Confusion on this point is a recipe for conflict and frustration.
Community is a great thing, but it’s not the ultimate thing. People can be a blessing, but they can’t give us all that we need. Only God can really fill our souls. As the great theologian Augustine said in his Confessions, “Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee!”
Our feelings about community come and go. Nouwen explains that sometimes you will feel close. Other times you will not. You need to let it go, i.e., forgive, when others can’t fulfill your expectations.
A Biblical Example
Moses was a great leader, but the people of Israel tended to view him too highly. They looked to him for everything they needed. “The next day Moses sat to judge the people, and the people stood around Moses from morning till evening” (Exodus 18:13). Every time they had a question, they wanted to go to Moses. The problem was that there wasn’t enough Moses to go around.
One time, two men were prophesying in the wilderness. People were alarmed at this. “And a young man ran and told Moses, ‘Eldad and Medad are prophesying in the camp.’ And Joshua the son of Nun, the assistant of Moses from his youth, said, ‘My lord Moses, stop them'” (Numbers 11:28-29). Moses said this concern was out of place, “Are you jealous for my sake? Would that all the Lord’s people were prophets, that the Lord would put his Spirit on them!” (v. 30). They gave Moses a place as the only spiritual guide that he could not have and should not have filled.
The flip side of looking to Moses for everything was that when things went wrong, Moses took the brunt of the complaints. They blamed him. When something went wrong, “the whole congregation of the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness . . .” (Ex. 16:2).
When the Israelites were without water, they said to Moses, “Give us water to drink!” (Ex. 17:2). They blamed Moses for bringing them out of Egypt and were ready to stone him: “Why did you bring us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?” (Ex. 17:3).
This is our tendency. We idolize people and seek in them all our value, security, hope, and delight. But we also demonize them and make them the source of our difficulties, anxieties, fears, and pain. In short, we blame them.
This goes right back to the beginning of time. Adam made Eve too valuable by listening to her instead of God, but, when confronted, he immediately blamed her for all that went wrong. He thought that she was culpable for all the wrong that had befallen him because of his own sin!
This is what happens when we don’t love God as God and people as people.
Letting God be God and People be People
Many of our relationship problems come because we are expecting things from people that we should only expect from God. This keeps us from enjoying what God has for us in Him. As the prophet Isaiah said, “Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare” (Is. 55:2).
Seeking from people what we should only seek from God also keeps us from enjoying people as people. Loving God alone as God enables you to enjoy people as people, for what they are. As Nouwen says, “The interesting thing is that when you can forgive people for not being God, then you can celebrate that they are a reflection of God, a reflection of God’s unconditional love” (123). Let people be people, and let God be God in your life. This is not going to make community perfect, for it never is. It will just make it better.
Where do you tend to look to people for what you only should look for from God? Are there people that you are looking to to give you a sense of worth, value, security, support, and hope that only God can provide?
Where do you get frustrated when people aren’t available? Who do you blame when things go wrong? Who are the people who you worry about all the time? Who are people you seek to please at the expense of your own health or what is good? These are questions that can help us see where we might be putting people in the place of God.
The good news is that heaven is wide open. God is totally available. If we seek Him in the solitude, He will be there to meet us. When we see Him, we will find the joy, delight, and hope we are looking for. We will then come back to earth ready to enjoy people as people because we love God alone as God. We will love God as the ultimate source of blessing, and we will love people as a reflection of that blessing.
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