Author: Wes White

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Keeping Sane and Productive in an Insane World, Principle # 19: Embrace Small Talk

Over the years, I have found myself struggling and not able to move forward. After reflection and prayer, I have come to certain principles that helped me keep going in the midst of leading a congregation, raising seven kids, earning three degrees, trying to be involved in the community, and trying to make my mark on the world. Here is principle #19 (not in order of importance) for keeping me sane and productive in an insane world.

Principle # 3: Embrace Small Talk
One thing I really don’t like at church is the time when people go around and just greet people for a few seconds. It seems awkward and pointless. I also feel bad for people who are visitors and just want to lurk and check things out. This is nothing compared to the awkwardness of what I have experienced visiting Hispanic churches. There, they ask if anyone is a first-time visitor. If they are, they have them stand up and clap for them or wave their bulletins. I find it super awkward, but many of the Hispanics who are first time visitors really seem to enjoy it. They are anxious to let the church know they are first-time visitors. I guess cultures are different.

Many people feel about small talk the way I feel about church greeting time and being welcomed a as a first-time visitor: awkward and pointless. I leaned that way for a long time. I just got irritated with conversations about the weather, and that seems to be the one thing everyone wants to talk about.

Then, I listened to this episode #406 of The Art of Manliness podcast, “Why You Should Embrace Small Talk” with Debra Fine. It changed my perspective completely. It taught me the basic principles for small talk and gave me reasons to embrace it.

Why Embrace Small Talk
Let’s start with the latter. Why should we embrace small talk? Continue reading “Keeping Sane and Productive in an Insane World, Principle # 19: Embrace Small Talk”

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Is There Hope for My Future? (Study of Romans, Part 5: Romans 8:17-39)

Note: How do we find joy, hope, and peace in our lives? The Apostle Paul’s letter to the Romans is all about that. He teaches that we do it by having more faith, hope, and love. In the 5th part of this study, we consider, is there hope for my future? This is the 5th of an 8 part study of Paul’s letter to the Roman Christians. You can read part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here, and part 4 here.

Key Thought: You grow in joy, peace, and hope by developing a confident expectation that the the future will turn out well for you.

Hope and Hope
What do you think the future will be like for you and for the world? If you really knew that the future was going to be great for you, wouldn’t you have greater joy, peace, and hope?

When we talk about the virtue of hope, we are talking about the future. Hope is a confident expectation that things will turn out well. Do you tend to view things that way?

We can view hope in two different ways. On the one hand, it is an emotion that enables us to feel that there will be good things in the future. On the other hand, it is a virtue or excellent character trait that we develop that enables us to see that the future is filled with good things.

What Paul does in this passage is to teach us to re-think the future to develop the virtue of hope so that we will feel more hope about the future. Continue reading “Is There Hope for My Future? (Study of Romans, Part 5: Romans 8:17-39)”

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Keeping Sane and Productive in an Insane World, Principle # 3: Don’t Compare Yourself to Others; Compare Yourself to Who You Were Yesterday

A few years ago, I started lifting weights. I started making some progress. Then, I saw a friend on Facebook. He was at a body-building competition. The immediate thought that came into my head was, wow! I am pathetic.

As we engage in any endeavor, we will find a ton of people doing it better than us. For some reason, this can be discouraging. Maybe we feel bad for not starting earlier. Maybe we are basing too much of our self-esteem on our progress. Maybe we don’t like where we are, and this reinforces the contempt. Maybe we feel that others are looking down on us. There’s a lot of reasons. It’s easy to get discouraged.

Framework for Seeing Better
But most of these thoughts are simply unhelpful. That’s why I accepted a rule I heard elsewhere: “Don’t compare yourself to others; compare yourself to who you were yesterday.”

If we think a little more deeply, we can get encouragement from other people’s successes. We can also recognize the amount of work involved. Then, we can focus on the key question, are we moving forward? That’s the comparison of ourselves, where we were yesterday and where we are today.

Example # 1: Languages
Let me give a couple of examples. When we see other people doing things that take a lot skill, we can rest assured that they have been working at it for a long time. We can do the same. If we work at it, we can make progress.

But it will take a lot of work. One thing I am proud of is that I have learned to communicate well in Spanish. People say to me that I have a gift for languages. That may be true, but I also know that I have spent thousands and thousands of hours working on it.

But I also can get discouraged with my Spanish. Sometimes I meet a gringo who speaks Spanish better than I do. There are words I don’t know. There are times I get lost. Seeing that other people can do better and getting discouraged is not going to help me. I just have to keep learning. I can understand Spanish much better than I could six months ago. I know numerous words that I did not know six months ago. I have made progress. I can make progress in the future.

And that’s the better comparison. Am I making progress? If not, why not? Is my goal to get better? The progress may not be easy to see today, but I will see it tomorrow and in a week and in a month.

Example # 2: Friendships
Let me give one more example from a different sphere of life: relationships. When you see someone you like connect really well with someone else, you can feel like you are on the outside. It may even make you feel lonely because you don’t have a relationship like that.

So, let’s apply what I just said. One way to view that relationship positively is this. See and believe that people can build strong connections and friendships. It really is possible. This should be an encouragement.

Second, recognize that behind this very close relationship lies a great deal of time and work. They have experienced many things together, and they have probably had some trials to walk through. A really strong relationship is based on connecting in a hundred different ways over thousands and thousands of hours.

Third, are you doing the sorts of things that will help you connect in this way? Are you building some relationships like that? Are you on track to build some strong relationships? If not, then what could you do to make that happen?

If you are making progress on this, then you should be encouraged. If you are not, you can make adjustments. That’s the opportunity you have.

Conclusion
Our immediate emotional reactions to others’ successes in areas we want to be successful in is generally not that helpful. By thinking just a bit differently about these things, we can avoid some of the common discouragements we face and set ourselves up for the long haul of building skills, character, and relationships. Wherever we are, we are. Are we moving forward? That is the question. Better not to compare ourselves to others. Better to compare ourselves to where we were yesterday.

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Can I Trust that God Will Change Me for the Better? (Study of Romans, Part 4: Romans 6:1–8:17)

Note: How do we find joy, hope, and peace in our lives? The Apostle Paul’s letter to the Romans is all about that. He teaches that we do it by having more faith, hope, and love. In the 4th part of this study, we consider, can we trust that God will change us for the better? This is the 4th of an 8 part study of Paul’s letter to the Roman Christians. You can read part 1 here, part 2 here, and part 3 .

Key Thought: We grow in joy, peace, and hope by seeing and trusting that God is changing us into something glorious.

If God accepts us and forgives us no matter what, then why worry about what we do? That’s the question with which Paul begins his discussion of transformation in Romans 6:1. The answer? God not only accepts us, but He is transforming us and changing us into something glorious, into loving, patient, kind people of faith. A big part of our growth in joy, peace, and hope is learning to see, believe, and trust that God is changing us.

Four Metaphors for Transformation
Paul says that God not only is changing us, but He has definitively transformed us who believe in Christ into something new. He uses four metaphors to describe this transformation.

First, He compares the change to dying and rising again. Romans 6:4 says, “We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” At our baptism, we made a definitive commitment to break with the world and sin and to live unto God. In addition, the power of Jesus’ resurrection is working in us to lead us to a new way of life and out of the way of the sinful life. That is a sort of death and resurrection.

Second, He compares the change to serving different masters. “But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness” (Romans 6:17–18). We are now serving righteousness instead of sin. That is a definitive transformation.

Third, he compares the change to being released from a legal obligation as in the death of a spouse. He says that when a spouse is alive, a person is bound to that spouse, but when that spouse dies, then that person is no longer bound to the spouse. “So, my brothers and sisters, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God” (Rom. 7:5). We are released from the obligation to live for sin and now are bound to that which will bring us life.

Fourth, he compares the change to a law or principle that is at work in us. He calls the old law the law or principle of sin and death. When this law was at work in us, we might have thought that God’s commands were good, but we couldn’t do them (see Rom. 7). Now, there is a new law or principle at work in us. He says that “through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death” (Romans 8:2). The Spirit of God is at work within us to bring about what is good and right. There is a new principle at work in us, one that drives us to God instead of away from Him.

What we need to believe is that a definitive transformation has taken place. We need to trust what God has already done. We need to see again and again that we have been transformed. We have died to sin and are alive unto God. Learning to see and think this way is what it means to grow in the virtue of faith.

God Is Transforming Us, and We Cooperate in the Transformation
This does not mean that there is no more change to take place. The remnants of sin remain, and God is still working within us. There is a process of transformation. This inward transformation still has to work itself out.

Paul explains this in a variety of ways. There is suffering that has to test and grow our character (Rom. 5:3–5). There is an offering of every part of our body to the service of God (Rom. 6:13). In a later section of the letter, Paul will call it presenting ourselves as living sacrifices (Rom. 12:1). The body is subject to death, but the Spirit is giving life (Rom. 8:10). You must put to death the misdeeds of the body (Rom. 8:13). These are ways that Paul talks about this process.

Notice that this is all work that is done by the power of God. However, that does not mean that we are passive in this transformation. Not at all. We are active. We should use every fiber of our being to join in what God is already doing within us. We offer our bodies. We put to death the deeds of the flesh. We work to change our thinking. We are to think of ourselves as dead to sin and alive to God. This is what it means to be transformed by the renewing of our mind (see Rom. 12:2). In all of these ways, we play an active role. Being changed into the glorious image of God is the highest blessing. Because of that we should do all we can to lean into this transformation, and God invites us and commands us to do so.

God Will Transform Us
We also have to ask, what is God transforming us into? It is something glorious. He is making us like His Son, Jesus. That’s our destiny (Rom. 8:29–30). He is transforming us into light. That’s why when we look at the future, we can have hope. Hope is a firm expectation that our future will be good. That’s what we’ll look at in the next section.

Conclusion
We need to grow in our faith so that we see more and more clearly that God not only has forgiven us and accepts us but is transforming us into something glorious. The more we can believe that, the greater will be our joy, peace, and hope. Note, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” This is the virtue of faith. It enables us to see and believe all that God is and all that He is doing for us.

A few months ago, I was thinking about what it would be like to no longer serve as a pastor. It would involve a lot of changes. What would be my place in life? How would I relate to people? What would my life be like? I did not know, and I felt uneasy and unsure about it. But then I found peace. I realized that whatever else happened to me, God was changing me into something glorious, and that was enough. Seeing and believing that fact could give me joy, peace, and hope no matter what happened. That’s the message God has for us in Romans 6:1–8:17.

Outline to Construct Your Own Teaching on Romans 6:1–8:17

  1. How does Paul describe the old person or the “flesh” in these passages?
  2. What are the ways that Paul describes the definitive transformation that has taken place in those who have believed in Jesus?
  3. What passages tell us that this transformation is ongoing?
  4. How does Paul describe our activity in this transformation process?
  5. How does Paul work here to increase their faith that God is changing them?

Questions for Application

  1. Do you believe that God has changed and is changing you? How could you make that more a part of your thinking and life?
  2. How is this teaching an encouragement to you that would enable you to develop joy, peace, and hope?
  3. What do you need to do to be more active in joining what God is already doing in transforming you?

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Photo by Ricardas Brogys on Unsplash

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God Planned Better: What My New Colombian Family Taught Me About Travel

“[You say] ‘Heaven decreed it otherwise!’, rather . . . adopt a phrase which is braver and nearer the truth . . . “Heaven decreed better!” (Seneca, Letter XCVIII).

Travel doesn’t always work out how you planned. My plan was to travel from Ibague, Colombia to Medellin to Cartagena and then to our home in Tennessee. So, on Monday, April 3, my wife, three of my daughters, and my new son-in-law took two Ubers to the Ibague airport to fly to Medellin.

When we arrived at the Ibague airport, there were maybe three people there. There was no one at the ticket counter. It was like Night of the Living Dead minus the zombies.

After a few minutes, someone showed up at the ticket counter. I went up to talk to them. I showed them my tickets. He said, “These tickets are not from Ibague. They are from Bogota.” Bogota was 120 miles through the mountains away. There, in Bogota, the flight we paid for would leave in a mere two hours. I had bought the wrong ticket!

I stopped and thought. What was I going to do? We had to get to Cartagena, and we had to get to Medellin to fly to Cartagena. What to do? The only solution I could come up with was to fly directly to Cartagena the next day. I purchased six tickets for $100 a piece for the next day from Ibague (this time for sure!) to Cartagena. A friend of my son-in-law’s family had rented a three bedroom apartment and only needed one room, so she invited us to stay with her. $600 poorer, we went back to Ibague, but we had lodging and a way home.

The Family
So, we rejoined my son-in-law’s family. They all felt bad about what had happened. But their perspective on these events was interesting. They said, “Sometimes God’s plans are different than ours. But God’s plans are better.” “We don’t always understand what God is doing, but His will is always better.” “I’m so sorry, but we know that God has a plan that is better and wiser than ours.” It was rather remarkable. It was surprising how many of them had understood and imbibed this basic idea: we make our plans, but God’s plans supersede ours. And . . . God’s plans are better.

The good thing about staying in Ibague is that we got to spend time with our new Colombian family to whom we were connected by my daughter’s recent marriage to a Colombian man. We had really enjoyed getting to know this family, and we were thankful for this opportunity.

To the Mountains
Since they all had taken the day off and had family in town, they did what they always did on these occasions. They went away to the mountains and the small towns that dotted them, and they took our family with them.

The first place we went was the Mirador de Juntas. This was a lookout platform a short ways up the mountain with a view of the surrounding mountains and valley below. It was breathtaking.

Then, we went back toward Ibague. We visited the picturesque pueblo or small town of Villa Restrepo. When Colombians think of vacations, they think of going to the pueblos. Often, they have family there. On the weekends and holidays, the cities empty out, and people return to the pueblos or visit new ones. Villa Restrepo was a great example of it.

There, in Villa Restrepo, we sampled local sweets and coffee with raw dark sugar. We enjoyed the varied architecture of the buildings in town and the scenery of the mountains around it. But the best was yet to come. We were going to ride horses to the tallest waterfall in the state or province of Tolima, Cascada La Plata, the silver waterfall.

Horseback Riding
We arrived at the home that would provide the horses and guides for us to ride to the waterfall. We had an inauspicious start. A cute little pug was walking up the road with his master. Suddenly, we heard a howl and the scuffle of dogs fighting. A pitbull-like dog had sunk its teeth into the neck of the pug. My son-in-law’s father went over and put the attacker in a chokehold, and his cousin, the owner of three pitbulls, pried its jaws open. The pug escaped, a little worse for wear, with his master. The children beat the attacking dog with their shoes. What is this horseback ride going to be like? I thought.

I have been horsebackriding several times in tourist areas in the United States. You can basically take a nap on the horse. They just follow the crowd. Not so in Colombia. There, you have to work at it. You have to keep the horse on the path. You have to trot to catch up. You have to connect with your house. You actually have to learn how to ride.

But it was awesome. The scenery was stunning. The trail was amazing. The horses were great. The company was enjoyable. The guides were helpful.

I thought, we are really doing this. We are riding horses through the Andes mountains like in the movies. It had been a great day. God had planned better. My wife and I looked around at our new Colombian family, our son-in-law, and our daughters. “This is one of the greatest experiences of my life.” She said. “To be here in this time with these people in this place on horses is just incredible.” I agreed.

When our plans don’t work out, it can be frustrating. It doesn’t always work out as well as it did that day. It’s not always clear that God has planned better. But that day we could see what is true even when we don’t see it: God planned better.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog post. Have you had experiences like this one? I’d love to hear about them in the comments below. If you like this post, subscribe on the right hand side (laptop) or below (mobile). I hope to see you hear again.

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