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Not Worrying About Finances

I’m a strong believer in budgeting and savings. You either tell money what to do, or it gets spent. You don’t accidentally save money.

That said, I’ve also learned that when it comes to household finances, unexpected things always come up. Three areas suck up money the fastest: vehicles, houses, and health. I’ve often felt very good about my cash reserve only to deplete it with a new transmission, unexpected health problems, or plumbing bills.

It’s in those times of unexpected bills, when your cash reserves start to dwindle, that you begin to worry (and maybe earlier!). I’ve worried quite a bit about finances over the years. Trying to figure out how you’re going to pay for everything is stressful!

A couple months ago, I was studying Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero with a church small group. As we began one meeting, I asked, what is it that can really disturb your peace? One person answered: “Finances.”

After some conversation, I asked, “How many bills have you not paid in the last five years?”

This person said: “I can’t really think of any.”

I replied: “Then, maybe it’s not really something to be worried about.”

After saying that, I thought of my own worry. I asked myself: In spite of all the surprises, how many bills have you not paid? I thought for a while, and I couldn’t really think of any. I might have forgotten the due date for a bill, but I didn’t miss paying for lack of money. It made me ask myself: Is this really something I need to worry about?

I am a Christian and a believer in Jesus Christ. Jesus explicitly told us not to worry about these things because our heavenly Father would take care of us (see Matthew 6 and the Sermon on the Mount). In my own case, God has not only said He would take care of me, but He has done so over and over again, often in extraordinary ways.

Reflecting on our small group discussion reminded me of something that happened 14 years ago that I had never really appreciated. After college, I worked, lived at home, spent little, and saved money. Then, I got married, went to seminary, had two kids, and spent all the money I had saved.

When we arrived in Spearfish, SD to take my first job as a Pastor, we literally ran out of money. We had nothing left. The savings got us all the way through seminary but no further.

At this point, we were not facing starvation. We could have eaten beans, taco shells, and pasta. But we didn’t have much else. Making our new home comfortable and exploring our new location was going to have to wait.

I don’t think I told anybody about our situation. However, out of the blue, our deacon came over to our house. He gave me a handful of cash and said that the congregation had collected it to help us in our move. I was stunned. We now had what we needed to make it to our first paycheck. God provided, not just for our bare necessities but for other things for our blessing and comfort as well.

We have experienced many things like this over the years, but this story is particularly precious to me because it occurred at a time when I had so little. Reflecting on this has given me greater confidence in my heavenly Father’s will to provide for me and take care of me.

Can I say that I won’t worry about finances again? No, but because of the small group discussion, I will combat financial worry with new and better weapons. I may worry, but I don’t need to.

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How to Not Miss the Good Things in Your Life

Our brain is like velcro for the bad but teflon for the good. We let bad things roll around in our head; we quickly move on from the good. Ever since I learned this simple yet profound point from Rick Hanson, I have made it my ambition to do a better job of taking in the good (for more detail on Hanson, see my article on his work here).

According to Hanson, many of our mental struggles result from simply not taking in the good things already present in our lives. For example, we can spend hours thinking about how someone criticized us. We spend hardly any time thinking of the compliment someone gave us. We think a lot about bills we might not be able to pay. We think very little about all the bills we have paid. Such distorted thinking is bound to make us more anxious about people and finances.

How do we start to balance this out? How can we do a better job of taking in the good things that are already part of our lives?

Here are a few thoughts.

Journal. On January 14, 2018, I started writing a weekly review, and I have continued this practice to the present time. Every time I do it, I walk away with a different view of my week than the one I began with. I go through my calendar, and I note the people I spent time with, the things I accomplished, the pleasures I enjoyed, the good experiences that I had, and the things I learned. By the end of this exercise, I realize that my week was much better than I thought it was when I sat down to write.

Linger. When you experience something good, take it in for a few seconds. Thank God for the good things that you have received. Don’t just drink or eat. Fix it in your mind for a few moments and give thanks to God. Don’t quickly move to the next thing.

Share. This week, I’m preaching about Moses’ father-in-law Jethro from Exodus 18. In this passage, Moses tells Jethro all the good things the Lord has done in the exodus from Egypt. Jethro is delighted to hear it all. We all need friends with whom we can share the good things in our lives. This gives us both the memory of something good as well as the enriching connection of a human relationship.

Celebrate. After Moses told Jethro about all the good things the Lord had done for them, they celebrated. They offered sacrifices to God and enjoyed a meal together with the leaders of the people of Israel. We can do the same. When something particularly good happens, celebrate it. Enjoy a meal and talk about it!

Write. One way to linger over things is to write about them. This year, I threw one of the best parties I’ve ever thrown: a celebration of Burns Night (read about it here). The reason I wrote the article was to relive this wonderful event and to share it again with the friends who were a part of the celebration. It was one more way of taking in the good and remembering all the good things God has given me.

Taking in the good has helped me not to miss the good things that are already in my life. I have seen firsthand that when we take in the good, we can live more fulfilled, joyful, and peaceful lives. And all these things are right there for the taking! We just have to take them into our hearts and minds and enjoy what God has given us.

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Courage

In the movie The Lord of the Rings, the soldiers of Gondor have moved back to the second level of defenses in the face of Mordor’s onslaught. Something unknown is banging at at the gates trying to get through. Then Gandalf says, “Whatever comes through those gates, you will stand your ground!”

What if we could approach every day like that? Whatever comes out the gates today, I will stand my ground?

What if we could face the scariest situations with calm and thoughtfulness without even losing our joy?

For many, this seems like an impossible goal, yet this is our calling as humans and Christians. Doing what is right and good and just is our duty and calling no matter how challenging or scary things get. This takes courage.

So, why are we so afraid? Why do we have so much anxiety? Why do we fall apart every time there is something difficult or unexpected?

Well, have we really worked at it? Have we really tried to become courageous people? And, what would it look like to work at it?

Let’s begin by considering what courage is.

Courage requires threats. It’s no virtue to move forward when things are easy. Entering into a contest you will easily win is not courageous.

Second, courage is not being rash or imprudent. Entering into dangerous situations just for fun is foolish not courageous.

Third, courage is not lacking fear. Fear and anxiety are natural human responses to threats that can even be helpful when the threat is real. To be anxious about riding a boat into a lightning storm on the lake is a good thing.

So, what is courage? Courage is being able to move forward in the face of our fears. Courage is saying I will do my duty even though it’s hard. Courage is holding to our principles when others want us to compromise. Courage is staying in a difficult place when we need to. Courage is being able to keep our head and heart when we face real threats.

If courage is so useful and good, then how do we develop it?

Let me give you four suggestions.

First, think about your principles. What are the things that you stand for? What things will you not compromise? What are your basic principles? What would you fight for? What would you die for?

Second, think about your threats. Don’t fear what you don’t need to fear. An astonishing number of threats that we feel on a day to day basis are either imagined or remote. For some reason, I’ve always freaked out over spilled drinks. I have seven kids, and so it’s happened a lot. Then, one day, a year or so ago, I realized: this is not a real threat. It’s not something to be afraid of. I can easily clean up the spill. Over time, I’ve learned to have less or no anxiety over spills. It’s been better for me. It’s been better for my family.

Third, think differently about scary situations. See yourself standing firm. Think about what would calm you when you are afraid. A Christian has a lot of resources, but one thing God always says when He calls people to difficult tasks is: “I will be with you.” That promise can fortify us in challenging situations.

Fourth, test your courage in small situations. Learn to say “no” when you think you should and are afraid to. Learn to gently share your opinion, even when you fear that others may react strongly. Learn to say “yes” when there’s no real reason to be afraid. We can train ourselves in the small things to have courage when the bigger threats arise.

Courage is not an option. The Bible tells us: “Be watchful. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong” (1 Cor. 16:13). However, it’s not only a command. It’s a good way to live. It means that we can go forward and do our duty and experience joy even in the face of the hard and scary realities of life. If doing what is right is good, courage is what enables us to do it at all times, even when it’s scary or hard.

Courage, my friends!

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Great Grandma Lindsey’s Spaghetti

I wish I had gotten to know more of my Great Grandparents. I would love to be able to sit down with them now and listen to their stories. I would love to be in their presence and experience what they are like.

Great Grandma Betty Lindsey with Great Grandpa William McKinley Lindsey and son Tom

I’ve always felt an attachment to the Grandparents I know. At a young age, I remember travelling with my Grandpa to Pennsylvania. While we drove, he told me the story of Robinson Crusoe, and I loved every moment of it.

I also had opportunities to get to know some of my Grandparents that I squandered. Several lived for a long time, and I never made a move to get to know them better. I regret that.

My Paternal Grandmother, Betty Lindsey Babb, died before I was born. Her Father, William, My Great Grandfather, died a year later. My Great Grandma Betty Lindsey had died three years earlier in 1972.

In 2017, I began to look into my family history in earnest. This led me to seek out the descendants of William and Betty. The last of their 9 children died just as I began to do this research.

When I contacted the wife of William and Betty’s son George, I learned a lot. What she mentioned to me was that she always enjoyed being at William and Betty’s family. She remembered very clearly the smell of garlic because Betty was always making spaghetti.

I asked my own Father, who had lived with William and Betty for a time, if he remembered the spaghetti. “Oh yeah.” He said. “That’s probably one reason I don’t like spaghetti today. We ate it all the time!”

As I asked around, people always mentioned Great Grandma’s spaghetti. It was the most prominent and constant theme.

Over Christmas, I was finally able to sit down with a group of the descendants of Tom Lindsey, William and Betty’s oldest (the baby in the picture above). We talked about memories of the past, and, inevitably, Great Grandma Lindsey’s spaghetti came up. One of Tom’s daughters told me, “I have the recipe, if you want it.”

“Absolutely!” I replied. Then, I listened carefully as she told me the details.

“You start by frying up some bacon.” She began. “Then, you leave the bacon grease in the frying pan and take out the bacon for later.”

A good start! I thought.

“Chop up onion and garlic and sautée them in the pan. Once you’ve done that, you add tomato juice. After mixing the tomato juice, you crumple up the bacon and put it back into the sauce. Then, there’s one more thing. They always had fried chicken with the spaghetti.” She said.

Fridays are my day to cook. On a Friday in January, I decided I would make Great Grandma Lindsey’s spaghetti. Step by step, I followed the directions. The only way I modified the spaghetti was to add a little bit of tomato paste. I needed less than I thought because the sauce was thicker than I thought. I warmed up the fried chicken to go with it.

And it was good! I love spaghetti. This was different than any spaghetti that I had eaten, but it was still good. My daughter described it this way: “I like it, but it’s more Southern than Italian.”

As I prepared the spaghetti and served it to my family, I could imagine sitting at Great Grandma Lindsey’s table with a plate of spaghetti and fried chicken and the house filled with the aroma of garlic. Somehow, I felt closer to her than I had before.

Great Grandma Lindsey with two of her sons

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Not Giving up Anything for Lent, the Pagan Roots of Easter, and Other Holy Week Thoughts

Here is a collection of thoughts I’ve had on Holy Week.

  • I have still never given anything up for Lent. However, I did enjoy the Mardi Gras special at Courthouse Donuts. Laissez les bons temps rouler!
  • I’ve always had trouble picking out something to give up for Lent. If I need to give something up, I give it up. If I don’t need to give it up, I really don’t want to. But maybe that’s the point!
  • On the other hand, I’ve embraced Holy Week this year in a way that I haven’t in the past. I’ve done readings at home, a Seder at church, and a Good Friday service in Gatlinburg. Sunday, of course, will be our Easter worship service.
  • Our family has read slowly through Matthew 26–27 this week. Very powerful. Highly recommended.
  • Think of Jesus for a minute without knowing that He is the Messiah. The fact that Jesus says, in essence, that from now on the Passover is all about Him is really quite astonishing.
  • The thief on the cross exercised incredible faith when he looked at the bleeding, dying, suffering Jesus and said, “Remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
  • I don’t want to condemn anyone who does, but I personally don’t find it an aid to faith to watch an actor play Jesus. I prefer my own thoughts on the Scripture.
  • When you read “My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?” with the background of Jesus’ intimate relationship with the Father throughout His time on earth, beginning with going to the temple at age 12, it gives even greater profundity to some of the most profound words ever spoken.
  • Can you feel the anticipation of Easter in your house? I can in mine. Ever since there has been a spring and humans to reflect upon it, humans have experienced that same anticipation because they held celebrations of the wonder of spring.
  • “Pagan” has certain connotations today, but it really means everybody else besides the Jews who haven’t heard the Gospel of Christ. This includes most of the ancestors of those who are reading this.
  • The glory of spring demands awe, wonder, and celebration. There is something right about the pagans celebrating it, even if I can’t agree with all that they did to celebrate it.
  • Christians have taken the ancient spring celebration and centered it around the greatest new life event since creation itself: the resurrection of Jesus and the beginning of the new creation.
  • Speaking of spring, I love seeing all the flowers in the Southern spring. I was surprised to see my azalea bush do so well.

  • In Matthew’s Gospel, the first words of Jesus after the resurrection are “Do not be afraid.” Good words for people who live much of their lives based on irrational fears or not knowing how to live courageously in the face of rational ones.

If you made it through this whole list, I wish you an especially happy Easter!

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