Polarization is the process of a group or family dividing into two camps that are mutually opposed to one another. Anxiety is high, and the only options the participants can see are victory or defeat. It’s what some call “either/or” thinking.
This is often the state of families when they come to counseling. Thus, the job of the counselor is to reduce anxiety and help the family to see more options.
A good example of this state of polarization in the Bible is the family of Jacob. Tension had been building for generations in this family. When Jacob ended up with children by four different wives, there was constant maneuvering between the wives for Jacob’s favor. Leah especially resented Rachel’s place of favor in Jacob’s heart and bed. In spite of her position of favor, Rachel felt threatened by the other wives and their children.
This tension played itself out in the next generation. It was the children of Leah, Bilhah, and Zilpah against the children of Rachel, especially Joseph, Rachel’s eldest. The Bible tells us, “When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him” (Genesis 37:4). Eventually, it came to a point where the only option they saw to this intolerable state of affaris was the elimination of Joseph.
Notice in this story that the brothers always tended to act together. They all herd the flock. They all hate Joseph. They all go to Jacob. They all go down to Egypt. They had trouble being different from one another. This is also a characteristic of polarization. You have to act in conformity with your “side.”
It is hard to act out of principle and thinking in a state of polarization. When the brothers wanted to kill Joseph, Reuben actually felt that he should act differently. He desired to save Joseph, but he feared taking a stand against his brothers’ strong opinion. So, he ended up trying to act secretly and the result was that he acted ineffectively. Meanwhile Judah did make a suggestion to Joseph into slavery rather than killing him. The herd of brothers moved quickly in that direction together.
Was there any way out? Were there any other options?
Yes. Virtually innumerable options.
Polarization makes us think that our choices are limited, but they almost never are.
Let me just give you a few examples. They could have left the tension between Jacob and his wives between Jacob and his wives. The children of the wives could have refused to take sides with their mothers against Rachel and by extension Jacob. One person could have reached out to Joseph. One person could have said that he was not going to listen to the gossip about Joseph. One person could have stated a different opinion about Joseph. Joseph could have refused the coat. The brothers could have accepted the fact that their father had a favorite and decided to be OK with it. And on and on.
There are always more options than one thinks. One just has to step back from the emotional intensity of the situation, use a little imagination to see those options, and then act on them.
That’s how one person can begin to depolarize a polarized situation.
We all need things we don’t yet have, don’t control, or worry we’ll lose. We’re dependent on other people and things for our survival, much more than we think.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:6–7