Jesus never married, but he had a ton of friends. He saw relationships as important, and He nourished His need for companionship through friendship. That should make us take a second look at the importance of friendship, and there is no better place to do that than considering the friendships Jesus Himself had and what He said about them. Here are five lessons on friendship from the life of Jesus.
First, friendship has to be about something. Jesus took an interest in bigger things. He cared about the kingdom of God. So, He built friendships around this interest in God and His work in the world. C.S. Lewis captured this idea well:
The very condition of having friends is that we should want something else besides friends. Where the truthful answer to the question, Do you see the same truth? would be “I see nothing and I don’t care about the truth; I only want a friend,” no friendship can arise—though affection of course may. There would be nothing for the friendship to be about; and friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers (emphasis mine).
You don’t get friends by going around saying, “Will you be my friend?” You get friends by working on things together with other people. You have to have interests.
Second, friendship takes time. Jesus spent a ton of time with His disciples. Jesus chose twelve men in particular “to be with him and [that] he might send them out to preach” (Mark 3:14). This friendship grew over time.
This growth often involes overcoming challenges and experiencing suffering. Going through some difficult together can even accelerate the process of friendship building. You can hear the affection in Jesus’ voice at the Last Supper, “You are those who have stayed with me in my trials . . .” (Luke 22:28). Going through these trials and staying together is what builds the strongest friendships.
Third, friendships become one of the deepest relationships. Friendships begin with common interests, but they often develop some of the greatest affections and closest connections. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). This is often seen in the context of war, where soldiers develop an intense and deep commitment to their camarades in arms, but it is true whenever deep friendships develop. There is no “greater love” than the sacrificial love of a friend for another. This deep affection is so profound that Jesus used it to explain His own death on the cross for His people.
Fourth, friendships are an amazing resource. Friendships take time. The payoff is not always immediate. But for those who have built such friendships, they become a remarkable resource. Jesus said, “the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15). Jesus shared what He was up to and what was going on in His life with His friends. That’s what friendship is and can be for us. We don’t have to just keep things in. We have people with whom we can share them! When we share our burdens, they feel lighter. This is the resource of friendship.
Fifth, Jesus wants more friends. He could have had servants. Everyone is below Jesus. But He wanted friends. “I call you friends,” He told His disciples. And Jesus wants more friends. He wants you to be His friend. How? He wants to get you involved in what He’s doing in turning this world into the kingdom of God rather than the kingdom of darkness. He wants you to fish for people. He wants you to be with Him, be like Him, and do what He did, as John Mark Comer puts it in his recent book about being a follower of Jesus.
That’s really amazing news. The God of the universe became a human being to connect with us and make us His friends. Why would we refuse such an amazing offer? Why would He not engage in the actitivies He says are the best things we can do? Why would we not want such a friend?
But if we do, how do we do it? How do we develop a friendship with Jesus? The disciples lived with Him and walked around with Him physically. We cannot do that. So, how can we become friends with Jesus? That’s what I will explain in my next post.