Tag: Goals

Posted on

Keeping Sane and Productive in an Insane World, Principle # 4: Don’t Be Passive. Make Goals; Carry Them out.

Principle #4: Don’t Be Passive. Make Goals; Carry Them out.

When life gets difficult, it’s easy to enter into passive mode. It’s easy to act helpless. Life is just bad, and there is no way out, we might think. There’s nothing we can do about it. It’s comforting in its own way. If I can do nothing to change the world, I am relieved of all responsibility.

The problem is that it’s not true. Things can change. Situations can change. Families can change. People can change.

It’s not easy. Changing ourselves and our communities is hard work. That’s why it’s easy to give up. There is resistance.

But there is something that can change things: human activity. We were not made to be passive. We were made to be active. When God created human beings, He said, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth” (Gen. 1:28). In other words, don’t be passive with this good world. Make it something better. Be active. Make goals. Carry them out.

God repeated substantially the same thing after the fall of man into sin. It wasn’t just for the unfallen world that God made man to be active. He said that we should do all work like you are doing it for the greatest purpose imaginable, glorifying God. “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him” (Col. 3:17).

It’s easy to be passive in the face of difficult situations. You may have tried to go to the gym before, but you gave up. So, you think it’s impossible. You may have worked on your relationship with your spouse, and nothing seemed to come of it. So, you stopped working on it. You may have tried to learn to play the piano, and nothing came of it. So, you are confirmed in your passivity.

But there are things you can do. You can keep working at it. You can keep tilling the ground, fertilizing it, and caring for it. In time, a seed will sprout and grow into something beautiful.

Don’t give up because you tried one goal and didn’t succeed. Think of different ways to do it. Here’s an example. You may have wanted to improve your relationship with your child. So, you asked them to sit down and talk to you. They didn’t like it. It didn’t get anywhere.

But you can change your approach to talking to your kids. A friend of mine realized that if he went into the rooms of his children with their permission, they would open up in a way that they would never do in the living room. I have found that to be true as well. It’s a remarkable thing. Make it a goal to go down to your child’s room and talk to them on their turf a couple of times a week. See what happens.

Another friend of mine played guitar in a band. I had recently started working on the guitar, and we had a discussion about it. One thing he said was that I should not have my guitar in a case under my bed. Instead, I should have it out on a stand. That way, I could just grab it. He also said that I should make it my goal to practice a mere five minutes a day. I did all that. I practiced more often and usually for much longer than five minutes a day.

You can apply this to exercise. Don’t make it your goal to go to the gym. Make it your goal to exercise five minutes a day in your house with small weights or calisthenics. You will probably do it longer. Either way, you will start to get used to exercising. This will develop a habit. It will be easier to expand from there.

Whatever you want to do or are concerned about, you have options. You can drop the passivity, get active, and start to make a difference. Even if things don’t turn out how you would like, you will be happy that you did something to make yourself better and learn rather than being a passive spectator.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope it encourages you to be active in the face of your problems. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this article in the comments below. If you like it, subscribe in the box below or share this article on social media. I hope to see you here again.

________

Photo by Dave Ruck on Unsplash

Posted on

No More Wasted Years: In Defense of New Year’s Resolutions

Thanksgiving gives us an opportunity to see the good of the past year. Christmas enables us to see a source of joy that transcends our circumstances. New Year’s offers a fresh start. We’ve got a whole year ahead of us!

Two years ago, I made it my goal to sleep outside in a tent two nights out of the entire year. I didn’t do it. Two nights! That’s all I needed to fulfill that goal. Last year, I reviewed that goal, and I thought about how to make it happen. I decided to practice “camping” in my backyard. I would see what things I would need, how I could cook outside, and how to set up and take down the tent. Then, I’d be ready to do it out there. So, I made my goal of sleeping in a tent for two nights again.

This year, I slept in a tent nine nights. I practiced twice at home. I camped at a campground in the mountains by myself for two nights. I stayed at a KOA while travelling. I led a men’s camping trip for our church. I camped with my wife for the fist time on our 20th anniversary trip in Florida. That’s what resolutions can do. They challenge us to move forward and do things that we haven’t done before.

Have you ever experienced something like that in your life? How could you experience more of it? I’ve talked to a lot of people about New Year’s resolutions, and here’s some of the questions I’ve had and the answers I’ve given. These are my ideas on how to approach New Year’s goals or resolutions. I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments below. Continue reading “No More Wasted Years: In Defense of New Year’s Resolutions”

Posted on

The Goal of Counseling: What Is Our Vision for the People We Talk to?

Why do people go to counseling? It is because they see something in their life or the life of others that is not what it is supposed to be. They are depressed. They can’t find a job. Their financial situation is grim. Their marriage is falling apart. They are bitter. They can’t move forward from loss. Their children are misbehaving. Their work is going badly.

All these reasons presuppose a certain vision of life. This vision exists in the mind of the counselor and the counselee. If the counselee had no goal, then they wouldn’t go to counseling. If the counselor believed people were fine the way they were, then she wouldn’t try to help them.

The question is, what is that vision? How clear is it in our minds?

For many, it is simply the vision of what we might call common or normal life. This is life where you feel OK, make a reasonable amount of money, get along reasonably well with your family, do fine in your job or school, and don’t get into big trouble.

When one of these things are disrupted, people can really start to struggle. This is what leads people to seek counseling. They seek help with these problems so that they can get back to normal life. Often, when that goal is met, counseling comes to an end.

But what if the goal of counseling is not simply the common life? Then, this will have an effect on counseling from the beginning. What if counseling has a bigger vision for life than just getting along reasonably well? Continue reading “The Goal of Counseling: What Is Our Vision for the People We Talk to?”

Posted on

5 Perspectives to Get Us Unstuck

We’re about to start a new year. It’s time to think about new goals, new activities, and new habits. The trouble is, we often end up stuck in the same old ways of doing things. We start something new, and resistance sets in. It’s like we’re walking through deep mud and trying to climb up a steep bank. It seems like everything around us wants to keep us in the same old ruts.

The ancient philosophers of the Western world dealt with big abstract ideas, but they also thought through these common problems. I have found that they offer some ways to help us think differently about common problems that offer new perspectives. They are alternative perspectives on common problems that can help get us unstuck.

1. Change of habits takes time. Aristotle says “. . . men acquire many qualities neither by nature nor by teaching but by habituation, bad qualities if they are habituated to the bad, good if the good” (Eudemian Ethics, 1.1).

My comment: we look at many things we can’t do and think that we cannot do them because we cannot do them now. Aristotle observes that many things involve work over time, habituation. So, it would be better when looking at most things we cannot do to not say, “I cannot do that,” but rather to say, “I cannot do that today.” We can acquire new skills. They just take work over time.

2. How you think will determine how you live. “Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind, for the soul is dyed by the thoughts” (Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 5.16).

My comment: the way that we think about things has a strong effect on how we feel about them. However, we can think differently about things and so feel differently about them. For example, we may look at mistakes as a disaster, and so we get angry at ourselves. However, we can think differently. We can accept that mistakes are a normal part of the human learning process. This makes it easier to keep going. That’s what these alternative ways of thinking are all about. If our thoughts shape the character of the soul, we can change our thoughts and consequently the character of our soul. Continue reading “5 Perspectives to Get Us Unstuck”

Posted on

Doing All the Good We Can

Why did God put us on this green earth? To do all the good that we can possibly do.

What else could our purpose be? What else would we want to do? Get as much wealth as possible? Travel as many places as possible? Make it to retirement? Reproduce? Play as many video games as possible?

To me, it seems self-evident that we are here to do as much good as we can possibly do. So, why don’t we live that way? Because fulfilling our potential to do good takes time and effort, and a lot of our body and brain chemistry tells us to enjoy the thing that is most pleasurable in the moment. The emotion of what we should do in the moment often contradicts our long-term purpose.

So, how do we overcome the sluggishness of our body and brain and get out of the ruts that would keep us from fulfilling our potential?

We need to start by getting clarity on the fact that we want to do as much good as possible. This is not our default. We have to get a vision for it. We have to take it in deeply.

Once we do, we have a direction. But then, how do we do the most good we can possibly do?

Here’s my suggestion for doing as much good as possible: focus on yourself, focus on others, focus on a bigger vision, and recognize it takes time. This list is not necessarily chronological. They can and should overlap, but all four need to be present in order for us to do all the good that we can possibly do.

First, Focus on Yourself
It’s somewhat ironic that you have to focus on yourself in order to do as much good as possible, but it’s true. Why? Because whatever you do, you have to use your self as the tool. If that tool is not in good condition, you won’t be able to do much effectively.

Certainly, there are wrong ways to focus on yourself. It is wrong to focus on yourself if it means fulfilling whatever desires you have in the moment, making yourself as comfortable as possible in the moment, and reacting to whatever anyone does in the moment. In this sense, we have to die to ourselves in order to live.

The right way to focus on ourselves is seeking to become the human being that God made us to be: to become as healthy, strong, virtuous, and skilled as we can be.

Focusing on ourselves means attending to our relationship with God. Christianity offers to us unparalleled and often unused resources to ground our sense of self in a God who loves us and cares for us. The death and resurrection of Christ provide a way to put the guilt of the past in the past and empower us for the new life of the future. Without these resources, we will look for love, acceptance, security, and power in all the wrong places. Our relationship with God comes first. The more we are rooted in God’s love and grace, the more we have to give to the world around us.

Second, we become more loving people. We stop reacting to what everyone around us does and learn to relate to others with the virtues of patience, kindness, compassion, and wisdom. The more loving we are, the more good we have to give to the people around us.

Third, we develop our ability to work and serve. This includes health and physical exercise, the development of our gifts, time management, knowledge, etc. The more of these abilities we have, the more we have to give for the good of the world around us.

Fourth, we embrace enjoying God’s creation. We learn to experience the good things around us. This means more than just going outside and looking around (though that’s a good idea!). It also means developing our capacity for enjoyment of creation and culture. For example, you can only experience the joy of what your body can do in exercise by exercising it. You can only enjoy the potential of music by training you ear or hands to experience it better. The more we can really enjoy the world God has created, the more we have to give for the good of the world around us.

Focus on Others
The next aspect of doing good is to focus on others. We don’t want to just do good for ourselves. We want to do good to all people, especially the household of faith (Gal. 6:10).

This means we start to think about bringing those things we have developed in ourselves to other people. We think about how to promote a relationship with God to those around us. We reach out to those who need to experience a loving touch. We start to use our skills to the benefit of others. We take our enjoyment of the world and share it with others.

Think about an ability to cook and plan a good meal. You can do this for yourself and get joy out of it. You can also do it to throw a party for your friends. Then, you are doing good to others as well as to yourself. When you go further to throw a party for those who are lonely or who need connection, then you are doing more good. That is what it means to focus on others.

Focus on a Bigger Vision
But don’t just get caught up in the day to day doing of good. Think long-term. Think of what you could really accomplish if you worked at it over a long period of time (I owe some of my clarity on this to Jordan Peterson, as you can read in my article here).

Think about promoting a relationship with God. You can do this in a very simple way with those whom you meet day by day. If this is your passion, though, you may want to develop this much further. You will want to understand the people among whom you want to promote God’s grace. You will want to understand the Bible a lot better and understand how people have reflected on the Bible through the ages. You will want to be a better communicator. You will want to learn what platform you can use to promote a relationship with God. You will want learn to be a better friend so you can connect with people because that is generally the best context for helping people connect with God. All these things take time.

To fulfill our potential to do good, it takes a lot of preparation and effort. To do that requires a bigger vision, a long-term vision, of what God and will do through us and in us.

Recognize It Takes Time
It is important to remember that doing all the good that we can do will take time. We have to develop and grow as an individuals. It will involve following some dead ends and making mistakes. It will involve hard work and often suffering.

Think of a friendship. We can’t just build a friendship in one day. It takes time to get used to each other, to walk through difficulties together, and to work through differences. At the end of a long period of time, we can have really strong friendships. These friendship are a tremendous good and service for both friends. However, it takes a lot of time to build these lasting friendships.

Like relationships, developing the skills and building the organizations to do greater good take time. However, if we keep planting seeds and keep the vision for doing good in front of us, we can, by God’s grace, make a lot of progress.

And what would be a better investment of our time? What better could we say at the end of our lives than that we have done all the good that we could do?

Proudly powered by WordPress