5 Lessons on Friendship from the Life of Jesus

Jesus never married, but he had a ton of friends. He saw relationships as important, and He nourished His need for companionship through friendship. That should make us take a second look at the importance of friendship, and there is no better place to do that than considering the friendships Jesus Himself had and what He said about them. Here are five lessons on friendship from the life of Jesus.

First, friendship has to be about something. Jesus took an interest in bigger things. He cared about the kingdom of God. So, He built friendships around this interest in God and His work in the world. C.S. Lewis captured this idea well:

The very condition of having friends is that we should want something else besides friends. Where the truthful answer to the question, Do you see the same truth? would be “I see nothing and I don’t care about the truth; I only want a friend,” no friendship can arise—though affection of course may. There would be nothing for the friendship to be about; and friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers (emphasis mine).

You don’t get friends by going around saying, “Will you be my friend?” You get friends by working on things together with other people. You have to have interests.

Second, friendship takes time. Jesus spent a ton of time with His disciples. Jesus chose twelve men in particular “to be with him and [that] he might send them out to preach” (Mark 3:14). This friendship grew over time.

This growth often involes overcoming challenges and experiencing suffering. Going through some difficult together can even accelerate the process of friendship building. You can hear the affection in Jesus’ voice at the Last Supper, “You are those who have stayed with me in my trials . . .” (Luke 22:28). Going through these trials and staying together is what builds the strongest friendships.

Third, friendships become one of the deepest relationships. Friendships begin with common interests, but they often develop some of the greatest affections and closest connections. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). This is often seen in the context of war, where soldiers develop an intense and deep commitment to their camarades in arms, but it is true whenever deep friendships develop. There is no “greater love” than the sacrificial love of a friend for another. This deep affection is so profound that Jesus used it to explain His own death on the cross for His people.

Fourth, friendships are an amazing resource. Friendships take time. The payoff is not always immediate. But for those who have built such friendships, they become a remarkable resource. Jesus said, “the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15). Jesus shared what He was up to and what was going on in His life with His friends. That’s what friendship is and can be for us. We don’t have to just keep things in. We have people with whom we can share them! When we share our burdens, they feel lighter. This is the resource of friendship.

Fifth, Jesus wants more friends. He could have had servants. Everyone is below Jesus. But He wanted friends. “I call you friends,” He told His disciples. And Jesus wants more friends. He wants you to be His friend. How? He wants to get you involved in what He’s doing in turning this world into the kingdom of God rather than the kingdom of darkness. He wants you to fish for people. He wants you to be with Him, be like Him, and do what He did, as John Mark Comer puts it in his recent book about being a follower of Jesus.

That’s really amazing news. The God of the universe became a human being to connect with us and make us His friends. Why would we refuse such an amazing offer? Why would He not engage in the actitivies He says are the best things we can do? Why would we not want such a friend?

But if we do, how do we do it? How do we develop a friendship with Jesus? The disciples lived with Him and walked around with Him physically. We cannot do that. So, how can we become friends with Jesus? That’s what I will explain in my next post.

Why Should I Rejoice in My Suffering?

In Paul’s letter to the Roman Christians, he says that “we rejoice in our sufferings” (Romans 5:3). How can we possibly rejoice in the midst of death, job loss, rejection, sickness, or betrayal? Note very carefully. He does not say, “rejoice in spite of our sufferings.” He says, “rejoice in our sufferings.” It would seem that this is the last thing we can rejoice in. What could he mean by this crazy statement?

What he does not mean is that suffering itself is good. It’s not good to be hit in the jaw, get in a car wreck, or lose a friend. There has to be something else that is added to the suffering that would make us rejoice in it. In other words, suffering can be used for some purpose that would make it good for us.

Let’s take being hit in the jaw. If we were training for a boxing match, getting hit in the jaw might help us see a weakness in our defenses we might not have seen otherwise. Getting in a car wreck might lead us to a lifetime of more careful driving. Losing a friend may have been the loss of an unhelpful friendship. It also may have gotten us out of our shell in a way that opened up new possibilities and friendships that made us grow. Most of us have had experiences like this.

So, what is the good connected to suffering that Paul has in mind? The answer is found in the words “we rejoice in the glory of God.” This does not mean that we rejoice because we will see or experience God’s glory, even though we will. It means we rejoice that we will be made like God, i.e., we will have a character that reflects His good, loving, and just character. Continue reading “Why Should I Rejoice in My Suffering?”

Why Didn’t Jesus Tell Peter He Loved Him?

In the account of Jesus’ life written by His follower John, we have the report of Jesus’ conversation with Peter by the Sea of Galilee after Jesus’ resurrection (see John 21). This conversation is remarkable because it is the first recorded conversation between them after Peter betrayed his dear friend and leader.

Remember that Peter had stated emphatically that he would never deny Jesus. Even if everybody else did, Peter would not do so, he said. Everyone else, though, agreed with Peter and also said that they would not abandon Jesus.

Then, Jesus was arrested. Most of Jesus’ followers fled. Peter followed at a distance. He was in the court of the priests while Jesus was on trial. Three times people asked Peter if he was one of Jesus’ followers. Three times he said “no.” The third time, he even swore an oath that he did not know Jesus.

At that moment, Jesus looked at Peter. Peter was undone. He ran out of the court and wept over his failure.

Jesus was crucified, died, and was buried. Then, He arose from the dead. Jesus had already appeared to His followers twice. The third time, He appeared to them on the beach of the Sea of Galilee. Jesus appeared after a night of fishing. Peter and six of the others had been fishing. They fished all night and caught nothing. Continue reading “Why Didn’t Jesus Tell Peter He Loved Him?”

5 Things the Holy Spirit Does for Jesus’ Followers

A few months ago, we celebrated Pentecost Sunday. Pentecost was a feast of the Old Testament that commemorated the giving of the Ten Commandment. It was a harvest celebration at the end of the barley and the beginning of the wheat harvest. It was on the day of this feast that the Holy Spirit came in power upon the 120 disciples in Acts 2. This gave me occasion to think a bit more deeply about the work of the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit can be a mysterious concept, especially when we use the term “Holy Ghost.” Sometimes, we associate the Holy Spirit with the gift of tongues or ecstatic experiences. This may be part of His work, but what occurred to me was that Jesus spoke very clearly to His disciples about what the coming of the Holy Spirit would mean. We have a record of this explanation in John 14-16. What does Jesus teach there about the work of the Holy Spirit? I see five things.

First, He will glorify Jesus. “He will glorify me because it is from me that he will receive what he will make known to you” (John 16:14).
“When the Advocate comes, whom I will send to you from the Father—the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father—he will testify about me” (John 15:26). Where the Spirit is working, there Jesus is praised and honored.

Second, He will convict us about the wrong we do. “But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment . . .” (John 16:7-8). When the Spirit comes, we will have to confront the things in our lives that do not line up with what is good and just. Continue reading “5 Things the Holy Spirit Does for Jesus’ Followers”

5 Characteristics of Real Love

People often talk about the “will of God.” Is it God’s will for me to move somewhere, marry someone, or start a business? These questions are legitimate, and God certainly has something to say about them.

We should also remember, though, that what God wants us to do is clear. His greatest priorities are very clear. He wants us to be loving people. He wants us to love God and our neighbor. If we learn to do that, then we are doing what God wants the most. Becoming lovers of God and others will keep us busy and give us great fulfillment.

But what does it mean to love others? There’s a lot of fake love. There are a lot of misconceptions about it. It’s hard to show real love for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that we haven’t been taught how to love. We need to think more clearly about what love actually is.

The Apostle Paul gave an explanation of what love is all about in Romans 12. His more famous chapter on love is 1 Corinthians 13. 1 Corinthians 13 is more inspiring, but Romans 12 might have more solid instruction on what it means to really love. Let me show you five characteristics of real love from this chapter.

1. Real love is sincere: it starts in the heart. In Romans 12:9, we begin a long list of commands or rules. The first is, “Love must be sincere.” It must not be hypocritical. What does this mean? We can act like we love (“Bless our hearts”) and not really have that love in our heart. It is an act. We show kindness in our interactions but do not have it in our hearts. We have all known people who acted like they wanted to be with us but who ended up not having any real interest in us. It was a mask. We have also done this to others. It hurts when we discover it and when others discover it in us. This is insincere love.

What this means positively is that love begins in the heart. It is not enough to show it on our faces. We have to have it in our hearts. How do we really think and feel about people? That’s where love starts. Love is a genuine affection of the heart that desires union and communion with others.

2. Real love is attentive: it takes an interest in anybody it meets. Philostorgos is a Greek word. Paul uses it in Romans 12:10, and it is the only place we find it in the Bible. It is love like parents have for their children. It’s hard to translate into English in one word. Love takes an interest in other people’s well-being. Parents generally seek the well-being of their children in a way that simply gives. We need to learn to take that love and extend it out to others. Continue reading “5 Characteristics of Real Love”