Responsibility

Principle #4: Don’t Be Passive. Make Goals; Carry Them out.

When life gets difficult, it’s easy to enter into passive mode. It’s easy to act helpless. Life is just bad, and there is no way out, we might think. There’s nothing we can do about it. It’s comforting in its own way. If I can do nothing to change the world, I am relieved of all responsibility.

The problem is that it’s not true. Things can change. Situations can change. Families can change. People can change.

It’s not easy. Changing ourselves and our communities is hard work. That’s why it’s easy to give up. There is resistance.

But there is something that can change things: human activity. We were not made to be passive. We were made to be active. When God created human beings, He said, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth” (Gen. 1:28). In other words, don’t be passive with this good world. Make it something better. Be active. Make goals. Carry them out.

God repeated substantially the same thing after the fall of man into sin. It wasn’t just for the unfallen world that God made man to be active. He said that we should do all work like you are doing it for the greatest purpose imaginable, glorifying God. “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him” (Col. 3:17).

It’s easy to be passive in the face of difficult situations. You may have tried to go to the gym before, but you gave up. So, you think it’s impossible. You may have worked on your relationship with your spouse, and nothing seemed to come of it. So, you stopped working on it. You may have tried to learn to play the piano, and nothing came of it. So, you are confirmed in your passivity.

But there are things you can do. You can keep working at it. You can keep tilling the ground, fertilizing it, and caring for it. In time, a seed will sprout and grow into something beautiful.

Don’t give up because you tried one goal and didn’t succeed. Think of different ways to do it. Here’s an example. You may have wanted to improve your relationship with your child. So, you asked them to sit down and talk to you. They didn’t like it. It didn’t get anywhere.

But you can change your approach to talking to your kids. A friend of mine realized that if he went into the rooms of his children with their permission, they would open up in a way that they would never do in the living room. I have found that to be true as well. It’s a remarkable thing. Make it a goal to go down to your child’s room and talk to them on their turf a couple of times a week. See what happens.

Another friend of mine played guitar in a band. I had recently started working on the guitar, and we had a discussion about it. One thing he said was that I should not have my guitar in a case under my bed. Instead, I should have it out on a stand. That way, I could just grab it. He also said that I should make it my goal to practice a mere five minutes a day. I did all that. I practiced more often and usually for much longer than five minutes a day.

You can apply this to exercise. Don’t make it your goal to go to the gym. Make it your goal to exercise five minutes a day in your house with small weights or calisthenics. You will probably do it longer. Either way, you will start to get used to exercising. This will develop a habit. It will be easier to expand from there.

Whatever you want to do or are concerned about, you have options. You can drop the passivity, get active, and start to make a difference. Even if things don’t turn out how you would like, you will be happy that you did something to make yourself better and learn rather than being a passive spectator.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope it encourages you to be active in the face of your problems. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this article in the comments below. If you like it, subscribe in the box below or share this article on social media. I hope to see you here again.

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Photo by Dave Ruck on Unsplash

The family can be one of life’s greatest blessings.

One of my favorite family memories was when over 100 descendants of my Great-Grandparents Clarence and Roberta Keith gathered together for a family reunion in 2014. It was a time of love, encouragement, faith, and fun. I went away refreshed and renewed.

But we don’t always leave family gatherings that way. Family can also inflict some of the deepest wounds.

So many families seem stuck in patterns that are harmful and hurtful rather than helpful and encouraging.

Is there any way out of these family problems?

In order to understand the way out, I think we first need to understand what creates, freezes, and intensifies family problems.

My basic thesis is this. Problems always exist, but blaming others freezes or intensifies family problems. Taking responsibility for one’s own functioning promotes family healing.

Think about it. If we blame other people, there’s very little we can do about it. Our options are limited because our ability to change others is rather limited. On the other side, though it’s not easy to change ourselves, it can be done. If we are to change the way the family relates, then taking responsibility for our own functioning is our best option.

I believe that this is illustrated in the first book of the Bible, Genesis. Genesis shows us that blaming others freezes or intensifies family problems and that when one member takes responsibility for his or her own functioning, there is opportunity for family healing.

Take our first father Adam as an example. The occasion of the family problem was that he did exactly what God told him not to. At that point, he could have taken responsibility. He could have confessed his own sin and apologized to God and his family.

Instead, he blamed his wife. “The woman You gave me . . .” He introduced division into the relationship with his wife by placing the responsibility for the wrong squarely on her shoulders. Remember that Eve did have a role in this, but what Adam ignored was his own role. This brought alienation and shame into the family.

The seriousness of this pattern can be clearly seen in the next generation. God accepted the sacrifice of Abel, Adam and Eve’s son, but not the sacrifice of their other son Cain. The problem was between God and Cain, but what did Cain do? He blamed Abel. The end result was that Cain killed Abel and refused to take responsibility for the murder, even when confronted by God. In this case, blaming intensified the family problem.

One more example of blaming. God promised to Abraham and Sarah that they would have a son, but it took a long time. Women often feel and at that time certainly felt that childlessness was a threat to their identity, and so no doubt Sarah felt very anxious about it. Then, she had to wait many childless years for God’s promise of a child to be fulfilled. No doubt this increased her anxiety. In the midst of this, she came up with a solution that was common in the day but contrary to God’s design (see my article on God’s design for the family ): for Abraham to have a child with her servant Hagar.

The results were predictable. Hagar got pregnant. She begin to see herself as “above” Sarah. Sarah got upset. She blamed Abraham: “You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering” (Gen. 16:5). Let’s be clear: Abraham was responsible. He did wrong, but Sarah also did wrong. Blaming only made the situation worse, and it continued to be an issue in the family passing over into the next generation in the relationship between Isaac (Sarah’s son) and Ishmael (Hagar’s son).

When we blame others for the family problems, we freeze them in place or make them worse.

Is there any hope for better?

The answer is, “yes.” Even though the curse introduced family enmity, God had promised something better for Abraham. He would bless him and in his seed “all the families of the earth will be blessed.” God was going to change the family situation.

And how does God bless the families of the earth? Through individuals. By His grace, He enables one person or more persons to act differently and take responsibility for their own functioning. This can begin to shift the family dynamics and bring hope for healing and change. I will flesh this out in my article next week.

For now, it’s worth considering? Where is my family stuck? Where am I subtly or not so subtly blaming the family for the situation and freezing it in place or making it worse? Could I do something to change the dynamics of the family?

Tag: Responsibility

Keeping Sane and Productive in an Insane World, Principle # 4: Don’t Be Passive. Make Goals; Carry Them out.

What’s Wrong with the Family?

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