Tag: Time

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5 Lessons on Friendship from the Life of Jesus

Jesus never married, but he had a ton of friends. He saw relationships as important, and He nourished His need for companionship through friendship. That should make us take a second look at the importance of friendship, and there is no better place to do that than considering the friendships Jesus Himself had and what He said about them. Here are five lessons on friendship from the life of Jesus.

First, friendship has to be about something. Jesus took an interest in bigger things. He cared about the kingdom of God. So, He built friendships around this interest in God and His work in the world. C.S. Lewis captured this idea well:

The very condition of having friends is that we should want something else besides friends. Where the truthful answer to the question, Do you see the same truth? would be “I see nothing and I don’t care about the truth; I only want a friend,” no friendship can arise—though affection of course may. There would be nothing for the friendship to be about; and friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers (emphasis mine).

You don’t get friends by going around saying, “Will you be my friend?” You get friends by working on things together with other people. You have to have interests.

Second, friendship takes time. Jesus spent a ton of time with His disciples. Jesus chose twelve men in particular “to be with him and [that] he might send them out to preach” (Mark 3:14). This friendship grew over time.

This growth often involes overcoming challenges and experiencing suffering. Going through some difficult together can even accelerate the process of friendship building. You can hear the affection in Jesus’ voice at the Last Supper, “You are those who have stayed with me in my trials . . .” (Luke 22:28). Going through these trials and staying together is what builds the strongest friendships.

Third, friendships become one of the deepest relationships. Friendships begin with common interests, but they often develop some of the greatest affections and closest connections. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). This is often seen in the context of war, where soldiers develop an intense and deep commitment to their camarades in arms, but it is true whenever deep friendships develop. There is no “greater love” than the sacrificial love of a friend for another. This deep affection is so profound that Jesus used it to explain His own death on the cross for His people.

Fourth, friendships are an amazing resource. Friendships take time. The payoff is not always immediate. But for those who have built such friendships, they become a remarkable resource. Jesus said, “the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15). Jesus shared what He was up to and what was going on in His life with His friends. That’s what friendship is and can be for us. We don’t have to just keep things in. We have people with whom we can share them! When we share our burdens, they feel lighter. This is the resource of friendship.

Fifth, Jesus wants more friends. He could have had servants. Everyone is below Jesus. But He wanted friends. “I call you friends,” He told His disciples. And Jesus wants more friends. He wants you to be His friend. How? He wants to get you involved in what He’s doing in turning this world into the kingdom of God rather than the kingdom of darkness. He wants you to fish for people. He wants you to be with Him, be like Him, and do what He did, as John Mark Comer puts it in his recent book about being a follower of Jesus.

That’s really amazing news. The God of the universe became a human being to connect with us and make us His friends. Why would we refuse such an amazing offer? Why would He not engage in the actitivies He says are the best things we can do? Why would we not want such a friend?

But if we do, how do we do it? How do we develop a friendship with Jesus? The disciples lived with Him and walked around with Him physically. We cannot do that. So, how can we become friends with Jesus? That’s what I will explain in my next post.

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The Benefit of Not Talking in Bulldoze Mode

Sometimes I talk in bulldoze mode. It’s not something I want to do. It’s something I can do without thinking. It’s something I want to change.

What is bulldoze mode? It’s a way of trying to force your opinion through. You get in a mode of talking where you make it clear to people that if they contradict you or even try to nuance what you are saying, they are going to have a fight on their hands. You may start interrupting. You may speak more loudly. You may just say something in a way that warns people against any challenge.

Bulldoze mode is connected with anxiety. You may feel anxiety that something you feel is important won’t be heard. You may feel like you are no longer safe to share your opinion or that you are not respected. When anxiety goes up, people can either become completely silent, withdraw, talk to someone else, try to fix it, act helpless, or seek to bulldoze an opinion through.

The advantage of going into bulldoze mode is that it does release some anxiety. When you prepare yourself to fight, you feel like you are doing something productive. There is a payback of some sort, or no one would do it.

The problem is that people may not feel safe talking to you. They may not want to be with you or work with you. They may feel more comfortable talking behind your back. Continue reading “The Benefit of Not Talking in Bulldoze Mode”

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7 Things I Would Like to Have Told to 18 Year Old Wes

Recently, I was writing a letter to an 18 year old serving at a camp. This person asked for letters while they were there. It made me think, what would I have told myself at 18 if I could go back in time? I gave it some thought, and here’s what I came up with.

  1. Think about the big questions. Don’t just take for granted why you’re here and what you’ve been told. Think about it for yourself and try to understand reality, making your views your own.
  2. When you’ve thought through something, have confidence in your thoughts and move forward. At the same time, be kind and willing to listen to those who have different thoughts.
  3. Almost everything that is good in life takes work. Start as early as you can working on the skills that will serve you, bless others, and glorify God. These are things like friendships, spiritual growth, physical training, languages, and musical instruments. “Art is long, and time is fleeting.”
  4. Take advantage of the opportunities you have to see new things and experience new and different things. For example, travel will not get easier when you are older and have a family.
  5. Make God the first priority with your time, money, and energy. You’ll never regret it, and this is the thing that you were created for first and foremost.
  6. Closely related, always think through what you want to do with your time and money and be deliberate. You either tell your time and money what to do, or it will tell you what to do.
  7. Give attention to your emotional life. One’s emotions often (rarely?) reflect reality, so begin reframing the stories that you tell yourself that shape your emotions. Give attention to your emotional interactions with the important people in your life and learn to navigate them well.

Looking at my life, 27 years later, these are the things I would have wanted myself to consider at 18. God willing, I still have a lot of life in front of me. So, I’ll work to implement these things now.

What advice would you like to have given to 18 year old you?

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The Time Is Short

What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; 30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away (1 Cor. 7:29-31).

The Time Is Short

No matter how much we know that it is true, it is hard for us to grasp that life will not stay the same. Our minds and hearts get used to a particular situation, and it is easy to think that it will go on and on.

We all had certain expectations about this year. For many students, this was their senior year. They were expecting to finish out their school year, spend time with their friends, have graduation parties, and so on. Now, that all seems unlikely.

Recently, I talked to someone who moved here to take a job in our tourism industry. They are now laid off and no longer have the health insurance that this job provided for them. This year turned out very differently than they expected.

Looking forward to this summer, we made plans. I planned to go to our denomination’s General Assembly. That is now canceled. Will we have summer camps? It is hard to say. This summer may be much different than any of us planned.

When bad things start piling up, it’s easy to go in the other direction. We start to think that the bad things will just keep coming. But that isn’t true, either. The sun will shine again, even if it rains for weeks on end.

That’s what this passage reminds us to consider. Life has its up and downs, and these are constantly changing.

The Apostle Paul uses two phrases to explain this. The first is, “the time is short.” We can think of this phrase in a couple of different ways. On the one hand, this is the time between Christ’s first and second coming. Though it may seem long at times, it is short relative to the life of the world. Jesus came once, and Jesus will come again. We should be ready.

The time is also short in relationship to our time in this world. Each one of us had our entrance, and each one of us has our exit. It’s not very long, 70 years, or 80, if we have the strength. Either way, it’s like the flowers of the field that bloom one day and die the next.

We can also think of it in terms of the various seasons of life. My oldest daughter is now 17. Next year, she’ll be graduating from high school. I’m acutely aware of how short a time we have with our children in our household.

What does Paul mean? Maybe he means all of these things. Either way, the time is short, and this is always worth keeping in mind.

The other phrase that he uses is “the world in its present form is passing away.” There is a recognition that the world is changing. Summer gives way to fall, and fall gives way to winter.

Nowhere in the Bible is this more powerfully stated than the book of Ecclesiastes. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build . . .” (Ecclesiastes 3:1–3).

There are different seasons in this life. One thing gives way to another. Life changes. Solomon went on to say in Ecclesiastes, “Who can straighten what he has made crooked? When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future” (7:13–14). The world in its present form is passing away.

Holding Loosely to What Doesn’t Last

This is great wisdom. The time is short. The present form of the world is passing away. If we would keep this in perspective, we would be much better equipped to deal with the changing seasons of the world. It would be better for us to look at every relationship, situation, activity, and possession and say, this is temporary.

In particular, God wants us to apply this wisdom to five things.

1. “From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not . . .” At first glance, this actually sounds wrong. We must remember, though, that wisdom often teaches us things by stating one perspective without intending it to be applied in every possible way. This obviously does not mean that we should literally ignore our wives or pretend like they are not our wives. God tells us to love them like Christ loved the church and that it is one of the gravest sins not to take care of those in our family (1 Tim. 5:8).

So, what does it mean? It means that we should view all relationships in this life as temporary. They are not our ultimate fulfillment, and relationships change. We cannot make even our best relationships the foundation for our well-being.

2. “Those who mourn, as if they did not . . .” Again, this could seem rather strange. If you have grief, be like someone who doesn’t. Snap out of it! This is not what it means. The Bible recognizes that there are times of grief. However, we should not let those things we grieve over take hold of our hearts at the deepest level. We should not mourn as those who have no hope. This is evident from the next application.

3. “Those who are happy, as if they were not . . .” We should not try to find our ultimate joy in the situations we experience in this world. We should not think “we have arrived” in this life. If things are going well, don’t get too wrapped up in it. These things change. The good times don’t last forever. They are not the place where our souls can ultimately rest.

4. “Those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep . . .” We often think that if we could only have this or that, we would be happy. Possessions do not last.

This was powerfully impressed upon me as I stayed in a condo in the month of January during my sabbatical. I made that condo my own to a degree. It got familiar. However, I knew the end of the month was coming. It would soon be mine no longer. Truly, all of our possessions are things we use for a time or rent for a time and then pass them on to others.

5. “Those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them.” This is similar to the last one, but we can apply it more broadly. If we are involved with the world, we should never let it take over all that we are. We should always hold our heart back to a degree. We shouldn’t make our businesses, our studies, our hobbies, our food, or anything else our foundation.

How do we know when any of these things have taken place? We can know when these things keep us from loving God and others well, when they keep us from important duties, or when they keep us from moving forward in our lives. Whenever these things happen, it’s worth considering whether these things have taken over our hearts too much.

Holding Tightly to What Does Last

That doesn’t mean that everything changes. There are some things that do not change no matter what happens, and this provides us with a foundation to live our lives. We need to hold loosely to the things that are temporary but hold tightly to the things that are not.

1. God is for us. “It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: ‘Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord’ (1 Cor. 1:30-31). Because of what Jesus has done, we have a relationship with God where our sins are forgiven, and He is for us. That doesn’t change, no matter how tough things may get.

2. God is with us. “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.” (1 Cor. 6:19-20). People come in and out of our lives, but God will always be there for us and within us.

3. Our future is bright. There is a time coming when the time will no longer be short and the form of the world will not be passing away. “When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory.’ ‘Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?'” (1 Cor. 15:55-56). What a great hope we have!

Conclusion

With recent events, We have been given a powerful reminder of a basic fact of life: the time is short and the present form of the world is passing away.

This does not mean we have to be rootless. A foundation is available. God invites you into a relationship with Himself through Jesus Christ where you can be forgiven of everything wrong you have done and given a new hope and new life. That’s what God offers as an unchangeable foundation. It means He’ll be for you, He’ll be with you, and He’ll give you a bright future.

If you have that relationship, then you don’t need to think of yourself without resources. Cling tightly to Christ! Hold everything else loosely! It will be a foundation for you in all the changes of this temporary world. It will give you the strength for today, and it will fill you with hope as you look to the future. It will give us stability in the midst of an unstable world.

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